Mind

Every day the Universe’s call to us humans is the same: Become better.

When we wake up, we have some key questions to answer. How will we learn from what happened the day before? What will we change based on new information we’ve gathered? Who will we be, during our time on this Earth? Will we strive to keep improving, or stay forever the same? What are we going to make of this day?

We can certainly say that right now in America we’re facing a huge call to be better. This has also been true throughout history—each moment we are given the opportunity to do better than we did before. And humans have learned, over time. (Maybe a little too slowly?) Even though times are still hard, we are living in the best time in history to be alive.

But current events continue to make it clear there is still so much for us to learn, and so much room to grow.

Because if we’re not growing, we’re dead.

You can accept and love the person you were yesterday AND strive to do better today. When I talk about being a better person, I mean becoming more aligned with Love and more Unified—with ourselves, our species, our world, our existence.

I believe that we are on the edge of a true tipping point as a human species to return to these values. We’ve been circling back to this spot again and again over the course of history, but the events of 2020 hit different. Because now we have tools humanity has never had before: instant news updates via social media, worldwide communication, accountability, and access to literally every form of knowledge from all of recorded human history online. What all this means is that there are no more excuses: it’s time to learn how to be a free thinker.

We need to wake up.

One thing in life is absolutely sure: we don’t know shit.

I’m sorry, I know that sounds harsh. But think about how little, in the grand scheme of the entire universe, we humans actually know. I mean, some people still believe the earth is flat. So there’s that.

Now, you may not be that level of uninformed, but you definitely know less than you think you do. We’re constantly making scientific advances that prove that what we thought was Absolutely, Certainly True was really totally wrong. And often what we believe is based off what other people taught us—especially when we are young and our brains haven’t developed critical thinking.

The good news is that our own personal experiences and research can open our minds up to new perspectives.

Most of our thoughts are rooted in beliefs that were given to us by family, religion, society, etc. Some of them may be awesome and helpful, but it’s likely many of them aren’t true or are rooted in hate or fear.

It’s up to us as we grow up to start to question and evaluate those thoughts and beliefs.

You must learn how to think for yourself by questioning everything.

I believe a big reason we experience so much pain and separation is that people have stopped thinking for themselves. Instead of doing the work to question what is true or not, we blindly accept and agree with whatever the people close to us think. We fit into our tribe. (Mark Manson’s book Everything Is F*cked: A Book about Hope is a great resource for more about this.)

I mean this sincerely: trust no one. I don’t mean that to be taken to the extreme, but we must acknowledge that, unfortunately, NO ONE has the answers.

Everyone is operating from their narrow worldview. No matter how woke someone might be, they still only can ever know only a tiny fraction of all there is to know. This is why it’s important to seek diversity in your own life: make friends with all sorts of different people, travel to many different places, have lots of life experiences. Then you can piece together those slices of experience to create growth.

Sometimes I run into this situation when readers DM me. I have had a lot of people reach out to me after I shared my story about my symmastia, asking for advice for what they should do. And while I can share my own experience, every single person and circumstance is so different that I can’t offer the answer, but only an opinion. We must each take charge of our own health and wellbeing. You can gather advice, but no one knows what’s right for you except you.

Living with a chronic injury taught me a lot, especially:

You don’t need a guru. YOU are the guru.

This is why self-love is so important, why it’s key to build a relationship with yourself. You need to learn how to trust yourself and your intuition. This guiding light will always lead you to the truth, if you can open yourself up to hear its call.

Yes, it takes work to continue to educate yourself to grow.

But would you really rather be just another sheep?

Learning is a lifelong experience. But our society is structured to prevent that. We get so burned out by our rigid and failing educational system that when many people graduate from school, they celebrate never having to open a book ever again.

We’ve made learning a miserable experience. And I get it: who wants to read again after being forced to read endless boring-AF books under intense pressure for performative grades? Even I took a long break from reading in my 20s, even though I’ve always, always been a bookworm. We prioritize other things.

But nothing should be more important than continuing to open our minds. This is how we’ll create a better world.

So start to ask yourself: Is this thought true? Can you know for certain that it’s true? What would it mean if it’s in fact not true? Meditation is the best tool to help you start to become more mindful.

Being able to grow is a gift. Don’t be afraid to change your stance, to take back what you’ve said previously, to admit you’re wrong. We all have been. We just have to do our best to learn and expand.

» Song Vibes «

What experiences have helped you become a better person? Let’s talk in the Comments below!

xo,

Amy

This post is not sponsored, but there are affiliate links throughout this post. I genuinely love these products and know you will, too. Thanks for supporting the blog!

I have placed a temporary pause on my usual Infinite Embers posting schedule to encourage you all to take this time to focus on what we must unite around: Black Lives Matter. (Read more here.)

Instead, I am posting regular updates on resources and ways you can help the Black community on my Instagram. I have compiled all related Stories in the BLM Stories Highlight on my Profile page.

We must take real action to affect change. This is not a political issue, this is a human rights issue. Be the change. Start here.

To my Black community: Yoga means unity. We are one. I see you and I stand with you. 🖤

First off—I’m excited that you want to learn how trust your intuition!

Thank you so much for reading this post, for taking the time to learn how to transform your life by tuning in to your inherent inner knowing. When you know how to trust your intuition, you make the best possible decisions. Ones that lead you towards your most peaceful, healthy, whole self. Your inner voice will guide you to live your best life, to speak and act on your truth, and authentically love yourself.

Learning to trust your intuition definitely is a practice, and takes commitment and dedication just like building any new habit. But the process is easier than you might think, and it’s powerfully rewarding.

So what exactly is intuition?

Our intuition is a loving inner voice that always guides us toward positive actions and peaceful outcomes.

You’ve experienced it before, even if you didn’t notice. It’s that gut feeling that steers you in the right direction, even when we’re not always aware of it. Intuition can sometimes sound like a whisper in your ear, or like a thought that lands just a little bit different than other thoughts. It’s a bit tricky to explain, to be honest. It’s more of a feeling, or a state of being, that is in the Light and wants only what’s good for you.

Many religions have a name for it; Christianity calls it the Holy Ghost. Other names could include Spirit, angels, guides, the Virgin Mary. I believe we’re all talking about the same thing.

And even if you’re not religious, you could look at intuition as part of our very evolutionary makeup—it’s part of our survival instincts, part of being a human. We all have an inner navigation that helps us make the right choices, or that tells us information about what is to come so we can be better prepared.

It’s often hard to tell which of these messages are coming from yourself or your intuition—which is why you’re in the right spot! In order to learn how to trust your intuition, you need to know these five secrets.

Secret 1: Everyone has a sense of intuition.

Your intuition is essentially a magical companion you have your entire life. Its mission is to protect you, and it never steers you wrong. Some people seem to hear their intuition loud and clear, and for others, it’s more quiet. But don’t worry—you do have one! Hearing your intuition is a skill you can develop with practice, by following the secrets here.

Everyone has a voice of intuition (except, perhaps, some with personality disorders like Narcissism, but we can’t know for sure). Like I said above, you’ve experienced it, even if you weren’t aware. Try to think back to any time in the past where you just …knew… about what the right step for you was. That was your intuition speaking! And maybe you acted on it, and it worked out in your favor. Or maybe you didn’t, and over time you realized you took the wrong road.

To be honest, I haven’t listened to my intuition for most of my life. The decisions I made, both small and large, while ignoring that voice always felt like varying degrees of self-betrayal. For years I could hear my intuition telling me I was struggling in my marriage, but I chose to drown it out, trying to force my will and make my life fit into the image I’d dreamed of instead. Since I finally listened and acted upon my intuition, it’s gotten easier to hear. My self-knowing has become sharper. But it’s still something I work on every day.

It’s hard for most of us to hear our intuition naturally. There is no reason to judge yourself for not being able to hear or trust your intuition in the past! You were doing the best you could at that time. That’s all we’re ever doing.

Which leads me to the next thing you need to know—

Secret 2: To hear your intuition, you must begin by practicing self-love.

Trusting your intuition is the ultimate act of trusting yourself. It requires some serious self-love.

What do I mean by “self-love”? It’s what it sounds like: fully LOVING your amazing self! Just like you would your child, or your dog, or your partner, or anyone you love unconditionally: without judgement, without limits, with full acceptance.

Self-love is pretty foreign to most of us. We live in a world completely starved of it. There are so many more examples around us of people hating themselves than loving themselves, so it’s only natural that this is how we become, too. We’re born with self-love, but we grow up to learn the voices of judgement, anger, criticism and plant them in our own minds.

All of these voices are boiled down to one root source: Fear.

You know it. I know it. That poison that spins your brain and eats at your gut. It’s high time Fear took a freaking backseat and stopped running our lives, right?! Fear, and pain, are the main obstacles that block us from hearing our intuition. But they can be overcome.

Your intuition is part of you—you and it are one. So to listen to and trust your intuition is to trust yourself. And I believe that this —TRUST— is the key to what helps us build self-love. It’s treating your relationship with yourself the same way you ideally would your best friend: doing what you say, being honest, and making time to nurture the relationship. You follow through on promises you make to yourself, you build confidence, and you practice forgiving yourself and letting the negative thoughts go.

Self-love is formed by showing up as your authentic self in all aspects of your life. You stay true to you. And that helps quiet the noise of Fear. With self-love, you know that no matter what happens, you’ve got your back.

Secret 3: You also will need to stop caring what other people think about you.

Easier said than done, I know! But it’s essential. If you want to hear your intuition, you can’t be thinking about what everything else thinks. It’s just more noise.

Making decisions based on what will “look” the best to other people, or on what society else believes is best will only lead you to heartache. It’s time to put the voices of the world to rest and decide based on what feels right for YOU, and you alone. Everyone under the sun will have an opinion, but the only one that matters is yours.

When I was trying to figure out how to end my chronic pain, both of my parents strongly discouraged me from proceeding with surgery to fix it. It was a huge, expensive, terrifying decision, and I had to really trust my intuition and do it anyway. And, guess what? I’m SO glad I did. It was the right choice for me.

It takes real commitment to set aside what your parents think (or your boyfriend, or your sister)—but you won’t be able to hear yourself clearly until you silence those outside voices. No one can really know your life and what’s right except for you. (and your intuition, of course!)

“The reason you have a hard time trusting your intuition is because you are still convinced that some outside authority knows better than you.” — Maryam Hasnaa

Similarly, you must stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison comes from fear and lack—from thinking other people have something you don’t and that this will prevent you from . But the world is wide enough for all of us. If you want to learn more, I wrote about how to stop playing the comparison game here.

Secret 4: Intuition can only happen when you’re in the present moment.

The number one secret weapon to learn how to be present enough to hear your intuition is developing a Meditation practice. I’m actually a meditation and yoga teacher, so I wrote all about how to meditate here, and I have free guided Meditations on YouTube for you to use! You can also read about my favorite meditation apps here.

Our intuition is often very quiet and subtle, which is why it’s easy to miss. And when you’re operating in Fear mode? There’s no way to hear that little voice through all the static noise in your mind. If you’re not in the present moment, you’ll miss it.

Meditation will teach you how to silence the crowd of negative Fear voices in your mind. With practice, you’ll be able to bring meditation into every moment of your day, which called practicing mindfulness. Once you silence Fear’s BS, you create space in your mind for intuition to broadcast its messages clearly. You step aside and allow a higher knowing to enter. And all you have to do is stay in the here and Now.

To be present, you can’t be obsessing about the past, worrying about some imagined future, or adding fear commentary to whatever’s happening right now. You have to just… be. Turn off your thoughts, focus on your breath, and ground yourself.

I like to use this mantra: I am here, now.

Secret 5: Intuition has no emotion attached to it.

This is the final secret you need to know to trust your intuition again. When you become present and have a strong foundation of self-love, the final way to know whether a thought is coming from you or is intuition is to notice whether or not you feel any emotions as you have the thought. Intuition is totally neutral, which is why it can often sound or feel… odd. Like a thought that makes you pause and go —huh.

Intuition is the exact opposite of Fear. So if you’re feeling knots in your stomach, that’s Fear talking. Not intuition.

However—the Fear may be reacting to whatever your intuition said! So it’s a clue to explore. For example, if your intuition says, “I need to leave my husband”, we can expect something like this to be your reaction: “But how?! What about our life, our kids? There’s no way….” or how about, “No way, how could I not be happy? I’ve got it all! How could I even think such a thing?” or something else along those lines. And you know what? That’s all Fear. But that initial voice, that first inclination, had no emotion attached to it. Just a message from the loving Universe—do with it what you will.

It takes practice to start to notice your intution when it first enters your mind, before Fear has the chance to react and get all emotional about it. That’s why intuition will come to you only when you’re meditating, or particularly present in a given moment. You won’t have that hurricane of thoughts in your head to confuse you. You’ll feel at peace, and in that silence you’ll notice which thoughts rip you out of that peace (Fear), and which speak to you like an all-knowing friend that you trust (your intuition).

Your intuition will only continue to get stronger if you follow this guide!

In fact—you can thank your intuition for bringing you here. It says it’s time to start listening, to begin following your heart. It’s time to live your life to the fullest.

If you feel stuck in your life, like your intuition wants you to do something so scary that you don’t feel capable—first of all, know that it’s okay, and you’re not alone. It’s often difficult and painful to act on your intuition. My advice is to keep returning back to self-love. I promise you, there is no situation you can’t overcome. You are strong enough to do anything your intuition calls you to do.

Soon, you may even deepen your intuition skills so much you start to get downloads about things that are going to happen in the future. Your intuition can reveal many different kinds of truths. It’s pretty amazing—like having magical powers. Which it is, basically!

This is a super specific reference, but I grew up playing video games with my younger brother, and the popular character Link of The Legend of Zelda has a tiny little fairy (that appears as a floating orb of light with wings) called Navi. Navi shouts “listen!” whenever she has something useful to share to help guide you through the game. This is what I picture every single time I think about intuition—it’s our own personal Navi, and it’s up to us whether or not we accept her help.

Developing a relationship with your inner voice of intuition strengthens your relationship with yourself. It’s the most rewarding result of this practice, and I’m excited for you to continue.

» Song Vibes «

Do you feel like you know when to trust your intuition? Share your experience with me in the Comments below!

xo,

Amy

Photos by Matthew Hanley

I still remember the moment I learned that I’m an empath.

I was talking with one of my social media coworkers back when I was living on Oahu, in 2017. She casually mentioned something about her being an empath, and that she could tell I was one, too. I had no clue what she meant—I’d never really heard the term before. Curious, I went and did some Googling and was stunned.

Suddenly, everything that I’d thought was “weird” about myself made SENSE. I wasn’t crazy—I was an empath.

Chances are, you have empath friends or family, or you might be one yourself. But it’s rarely talked about, and being an empath can have a direct impact on your health and energy if you don’t learn how to protect your boundaries.

So what is an empath?

Empaths are highly sensitive individuals who have the ability to feel the emotions of those around them. 

Many empaths can also feel someone else’s physical pain in their own body and/or manifest symptoms mirroring someone who is sick. Due to their high sensitivity, empaths absorb the energy of people and places around them. If they are not aware that they have this ability, empaths can easily lose themselves and get confused about how they actually feel.

Empaths can easily get overwhelmed by the amount of stimuli and information coming at them at any given moment, especially when interacting with other people. They pick up on subtle and unconscious clues about others’ emotional states that the majority of people tend to miss. They are highly intuitive and can often sense another’s true intentions without any external cuing.

An empath might have an encounter with a woman who is smiling, but walk away from the encounter feeling incredibly, inexplicably sad, because they intuitively sense the woman’s sadness that she’s trying to stamp down underneath her smile. On the other hand, the majority of people would walk away from the encounter thinking the woman is happy. Other people’s energies can stick onto empaths like leeches—especially when, of course, the person is in a negative state.

Because of their ability to feel other people’s emotions, empaths can be extremely compassionate. OR—and this is major—they can give and give of themselves until they’re completely drained, or let others’ negativity overwhelm them and turn them dark.

It’s a whole Star Wars/the Force situation.

And listen to me—I KNOW this sounds woo woo. I am a highly logical person, and I honestly would never have believed all this—

…except that it explains everything about me.

I’ve felt like something was terribly wrong with me my entire life.

Now that I know how to explain what I’m experiencing, I can manage my energy and know how to let negativity go so I can be light and my normal, happy self. But I was always overwhelmed when I was younger. Even as a young child, I was extremely sensitive. I couldn’t stand any noise when I was sleeping and would get overwhelmed at sleepovers and have to call my mom to come pick me up. Group settings felt overstimulating, and I preferred to interact with friends one or two at a time.

I used to explain that I could “read people easily” even though I didn’t know why or how—my gut was always right. I’ve always been able to feel out a person or situation and get a strong sense of what they’re feeling and what they want. I also have always craved alone time—that’s when I feel most at peace, and the only way I can get centered. This is why I like to practice yoga by myself at home rather than in a studio.

I always felt “not normal” and was called overly emotional or misread as standoffish. I didn’t understand why life felt so overwhelming to me at times because of all the sadness I encountered. Small talk is also notoriously exhausting for empaths. Because each encounter we have is highly charged, too much interaction can drain our energy. My uncle likes to tell a story that when I was a really young girl and he tried to make small talk with me while he was driving me somewhere, I responded, “No talk. Just drive.” Amazing! (also, can we also make that the slogan for Uber?) I love that I’ve always been an empath who knows how to stake her boundaries, haha! I continually strive to be more like my energy-protecting childhood self.

There’s actual science to back up what I’m talking about.

Let me explain a little further: Empathy takes place in the frontal lobe of our brain. Everyone’s brains are different, and some people are more highly developed in the empathy region.

Inside our brains, we have something called mirror nuerons. A mirror neuron is a neuron that fires both when you do a specific action AND when you watch someone else do that same action. Thus, the neuron “mirrors” the behavior of the other, as though the observer were doing the action.The same thing happens with feelings. Empaths have more mirror nuerons than the average individual, which means their brains are highly active at imitating the brain states of those around them.

We don’t know yet what determines if someone becomes an empath or not—genetics definitely play a role, but so does conditioning and the way we’re raised. Either way, it’s pretty amazing to develop this ability!

How does being an empath differ from having empathy?

As with most thing, there is a range of sensitivities and even various types of empaths. The empathy spectrum ranges from normal empathy, which is the ability to feel concern for someone going through a hard time or celebrating with someone who’s joyful.

Then there are Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), who can pick up on others’ energies and are deeply affected by various sensory overload. Empaths are HSP and take it a step further. What separates empaths is that they absorb those energies into themselves. You feel the person’s emotions right along with them. In other words, HSPs can detect that a person is sad, and an empath will start to feel that sadness themselves.

There’s no one-size-fits-all definition of an empath. As I mentioned above, some people can literally feel others’ physical pain or intuit their illnesses. Other empaths are particularly tuned in to animals (it’s part of why I’m vegan) or plants. Everyone has different strengths! Empaths have low tolerance for inauthenticy and can usually tell when someone is lying to them, because the person’s words won’t match their energy.

How do you find out if you’re an empath?

I recommend taking this self-assessment test from one of the leaders in Empath education, Dr. Judith Orloff M.D.!

But in short, these are some traits that most empaths have in common:

• Heightened senses (sensitive to light/loud noise/smells etc)
• Feel drained by large crowds
• Need plenty of time alone to recharge
• Often labeled as “shy” or introverted
• Enjoy spending time in nature
• Love animals
• Feel overwhelmed in close relationships
• Highly intuitive

Being an empath is not a problem to be fixed.

To be honest, it’s kind of like having a real-life superpower!

Yes, there are some obvious downsides—you have to learn to navigate the world as someone who’s extra sensitive and learn to be super diligent about protecting your energy. And society isn’t kind to people who have strong emotions: we’re labeled as weak, dismissed as a “sissy.” And I’m not going to lie, it’s a problem empaths continually have to face—especially male empaths in our current macho culture. It can be very isolating if you do not search out and find other empaths to connect with and share experiences with. I honestly wished for a long time that I could “just be normal” to better fit in with the majority.

But that was before I’d learned what was going on with me and why I always felt so drained. Once you give yourself permission to embrace your unique differences, you can take care of yourself properly and lovingly allow your gifts to SHINE.

Being an empath means you are a light in this world!

First of all, empaths are the opposite of weak—they’re so strong they can carry their own energy AND that of someone else! That’s quite the energetic load.

Empaths spread love and compassion because they literally feel the pain of others and want to help them heal. They often find themselves in the healing professions or creative arts: working as therapists, actors, and yoga instructors (like yours truly), for example.

Empaths tend to emit a very calming energy (something people have been telling me since I was a teenager). People are drawn to empaths and their light.

This is why empaths must also be on diligent watch for energy vampires.

Because you radiate understanding and have a bright vibration, energy vampires are drawn to empaths like moths to a flame. Energy vampires are people on the opposite end of the frontal lobe spectrum in the brain, and lack the mirror neurons that empaths have in spades. This means it’s physically impossible for them to feel empathy.

Read that again.

It can be disturbing to consider that there are people out there who literally cannot care about others, but it’s true. And come on, deep down you know it’s true—it’s why there’s still so much darkness in our world today. Energy vampires are narcissists who drain your energy. They will take and take and take and take from you unless you recognize them for who they really are and cut them off.

This is super challenging for empaths because we feel empathy so strongly that we can struggle to believe that another person isn’t capable of having it, or changing or learning. But it’s imperative that we set clear boundaries in our lives for the energy we WANT, and cut out, without apology, anyone that leaves us feeling NOT THAT.

Being an empath can either drain you or empower you—it’s all about learning to monitor your energy.

Defend yourself, and you’ll be an unstoppable force of light. Learning how to separate your own feelings and energy levels from those around you requires practice and a lot of self-knowledge, but is the most rewarding venture ever. A daily meditation practice is key to center yourself and put up your daily defenses. You’ll still feel the energies around you, but you won’t absorb them.

I’m barely scratching the surface here of all that being an empath entails! If you’d like to dive in and learn more, I highly recommend reading these books, which have been life changing for me:

• The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People by Judith Orloff M.D.
• Dodging Energy Vampires: An Empath’s Guide to Evading Relationships That Drain You and Restoring Your Health and Power by Christiane Northrup M.D. 
• The Happy Empath’s Workbook: Hands-On Activities, Worksheets, and Strategies for Creating a Joyous and Full Life by Stephanie Jameson

Also, I’ve mentioned this before, but I am in LOVE with the podcast Dear Sugars. It’s not about being an empath, but Cheryl Strayed and Steve Almond are definitely empaths themselves, and it’s soothing to hear them give understanding and nurturing advice to all sorts of people and situations. A must-listen for everyone in general.

The most important thing an empath can do to conquer the world like the badass they are is to be conscious about the people and environment they surround themselves with. The people and places you spend your time with will either uplift  or deplete you. Be sure to get plenty of alone time to recharge and return to your center—and clear out whatever doesn’t fuel your light.

» Psst: I’m wearing this Carbon38 ZigZag Peep bra in black! It has great support. You can get 15% OFF any order at Carbon38 using my Ambassador code AMYBAA15. Happy shopping!

» Song Vibes «

Where my fellow empaths at? What challenges have you faced being highly sensitive? Share with me in the Comments below!

xo,

Amy

Photos by myself and Mary Joe Weichel — if you live in San Diego and are looking for an affordable photographer, MJ is your gal! She has 24 hr turnaround and the best rates. DM her for info!

This post is not sponsored, but there are affiliate links throughout this post. I genuinely love these products and know you will, too. Thanks for supporting the blog!

The gratitude journal has become almost cliché in the self-help space for a reason: IT WORKS.

I’m serious when I say that keeping a daily gratitude journal will literally change your life. And it’s essentially free, as long as you can find a pen and paper (or your iPhone Notes app). This practice takes less than 5 minutes out of your day. It essentially requires next to no effort, AND you’ll see results.

There’s not much else you can do that can make that kind of promise, except maybe brushing/flossing your teeth. Did you know your oral health really is that important and can affect the health of your heart? I digress. (but also, the body is so fascinating!)

First off—Happy November, everybody! It always feels like a noticeable change from summer to the short, dark days of winter, at least here in San Diego. Even though we know it’s coming, it always seems to happen so quickly. The weather doesn’t exactly get *cold*, per se, but there’s a shift in the natural energy, the light becomes softer, and everything starts to slow down. Daylight savings time always forces me to really ground myself to avoid getting drained by that activation in Kapha energy (from Ayurveda; a slower, heavier energy). I’ve always been sensitive to Seasonal Affective Disorder (literally also known as SAD) and the reduction in sun energy.

I’m becoming more comfortable with the acceptance that I’m an empath and that everything affects me a little too dramatically, but also that maybe gives me a little spicy flair? Any fellow empaths in the house? Give me a shout below in the Comments.

My gratitude journal practice has helped me through some really hard times.

I had quite the October. And by that I mean I had a really sad, challenging month. I had to return to Oahu to pack up and move all of my belongings as I proceed with my divorce. I know I’m taking all the right steps forward. But that doesn’t mean the path is easy—sometimes life is just hard.

I’d like to thank everyone who took the time to reach out to me after my latest Instagram post where I opened up about the depression I’ve been facing. I’ve turned a corner and am doing much better; even though I have many challenges ahead, I feel rooted back in optimism and strength.

November is all about giving thanks, so I figured this would be the perfect time to talk about how helpful keeping a gratitude journal has been to get my mental state realigned back to its highest, most productive level. It’s brought me hope on some very bleak days.

Essentially, the goal of a gratitude journal is for us to keep our sights on the light.

You may have heard this before:

Where attention goes, energy flows.

I believe I first heard this phrase from Tony Robbins—it’s popular in the wellness space because it’s so profound and so simple. What we pay attention to expands.

This can actually be explained scientifically by a part of the brain stem called the reticular activating system. This system determines what’s relevant to you and tunes out other information. Your brain can’t process every single thing that’s happening at any given time, so to help you focus it scans the scene and highlights what it decides is most important to you, kind of like a computer code, and filters out the rest.

Have you ever noticed that if you’re considering buying a Prius, you’ll suddenly see all those cute Toyota hybrids around, whereas before you never notice what kinds of cars were driving around you?

The intention of writing in your gratitude journal every day (and why consistency is key!) is to reprogram your brain to tell it what to stay on the lookout for. In this case, finding things to be grateful for! Our brains are incredible in their ability to create new connections and grow.

You can actually make yourself happier with your gratitude journal practice.

This article from Harvard Medical School explains that repeatedly in psychology research “gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness.”

Want to be happier? I think we can all agree that’s high on the list of life desires.

When we’re in an unhappy state, our brains get stuck in a thought loop that’s focused entirely on the negative. Gratitude forces us to stop that cycle and fire up new regions of the brain that can create new thoughts that are more positive and constructive to our lives.

Think of writing a gratitude journal as strength training for your brain: it will become stronger and more resilient to ward off thoughts that threaten to drag you down. And you’ll become happier as you realize just how much goodness in life you have to be thankful for!

How to start a gratitude journal:

It’s beyond easy. Follow these steps:

1. At the end of the day, write down 3 things you are grateful for.

2. Repeat this practice every. single. day.

and, here’s the real secret rule I have to share with you:

3. You must write down something different every day; you can’t choose something you’ve used before.

I cannot emphasize enough how important #3 is to the list.

I actually tried keeping a gratitude journal when I was a teenager after watching an episode of Oprah where she recommended it. And for a week, I wrote more or less the same 3 things down. I was depressed and struggled to think of anything to write.

Picture me as a very emo and angry teenager listening to Death Cab for Cutie.

Needless to say, I gave up and didn’t try a gratitude journal again until earlier this year.

So yeah, I realized the exercise is far more effective when you’re forced to have to search your memories for new good things at the end of each day.

I’ll be honest—some days I still struggle with what to write down. Sometimes I have to really sit and search my heart for something to include, because I’m so bogged down by my heartache that it clouds my mind.

So, if you feel at all angry or frustrated or discouraged when you sit down with your journal, just know that that’s okay. And it’s bound to happen, especially in the first month, especially if your brain’s used to subconsciously focusing on the negative.

But even on those hard days you must find something, anything, to write down. I promise you can. Some days I give thanks for things like french fries (what would life be without them?). They don’t have to be big—you just have to find three.

Write in your gratitude journal every day for at least a month.

This is the hardest part about the challenge: getting started and building the habit consistently. Once you’re used to journaling every day, the practice will flow and keep you focused with less and less effort. But in the beginning, you have to hold yourself accountable. Training your mind works the same way as building your muscles when you work out: you have to do it repeatedly over time to see any lasting results.

Keeping your heart and mind focused on gratitude will help you stay focused on the light. Sure, we could choose to focus on the darkness instead. And our minds may try. But it is a choice, so why not go with the one that doesn’t cause further suffering and instead makes you feel a little better?

After all, it feels good to celebrate the fact that corgis exist in this universe.

There is so much abundance to be grateful for.

» Song Vibes «

Do you keep a daily gratitude journal? Have I convinced you to give it a shot? Let me know in the Comments below!

xo,

Amy

How do you deal with imposter syndrome?

My dear friend Keri asked me this question one day over Instagram DM. I couldn’t answer her right away—I needed to let this question settle in my soul for a bit, really think it through. Because, to be honest, I hadn’t been aware before that point of just how much imposter syndrome affects me, too. Her question made me realize how I’ve been prey to it—and by becoming more aware of it, I’ve been able to learn how to stop this nasty thought pattern in its tracks now when it comes up.

I’m guessing you’ve felt imposter syndrome before too, either because you Googled it and found this post—or because 70% of people experience these impostor feelings at some point in their lives, according to this article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science.

So first just know that you’re normal, you’re not alone, and it’s totally a habit we can kick to the curb.

What is imposter syndrome?

Let’s get a definition up in here:

Imposter Syndrome: the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.

In other words, imposter syndrome is the feeling that you do not deserve your success, that you’re not as smart/skilled as people think you are. You feel like a fraud in danger of being caught at any moment.

Imposter syndrome was first identified in 1978 by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes. They published this paper on the topic, and I think it’s v important to point out this key detail:

The term impostor phenomenon is used to designate an internal experience of intellectual phonies, which appears to be particularly prevalent and intense among a select sample of high achieving women.

All my fellow high achieving women, what’s up!

Of course, it affects men, too. But the pressure on women is HIGH to fight for our place in today’s society, so it makes sense. Imposter syndrome comes from a feeling of intense pressure to prove your worth. And women quite literally have to do this still in many workplaces, even though it’s freaking 2019.

There’s no one cause for imposter syndrome, but it’s common in people who are Type A perfectionists with high expectations of themselves and often high anxiety and stress.

The thing about imposter syndrome, and why I hadn’t really recognized it in myself before is this: it’s SNEAKY. It thrives on you not noticing it. Imposter syndrome wants you to believe it’s true; it needs you to in order for it to exist. It’s like the thought is a Gremlin and every time you believe the thought you feed the Gremlin—but start believing in yourself and the Gremlin dies. Bye bye, Gremlin. (It’s a weird analogy but go with me here.)

Like I said, I deal with imposter syndrome sometimes, too.

I have been teaching fitness for 7 years, have taught multiple disciplines and studied the body at length, and there are still plenty of days where I’ll be teaching a class and in the back of my mind is a worry. The commentary in the back of my mind starts to say that I don’t know enough, I’m not good enough, and eventually all these studios will realize that and ask me to stop teaching. People will catch on soon enough, and stop coming to class. Any day now!

It’s a real, pit-in-my-stomach fear that feels perfectly rational. Even though I know it’s not.

That’s all it is: a FEAR.

Fear isn’t in and of itself a bad thing. I’ve started to notice it, and embrace it. Fear keeps us alert, making sure we’re continually doing our best to succeed and take care of ourselves. It’s a part of our biology designed to keep us safe from danger.

But it’s an internal emotion, not necessarily an accurate reflection of external reality. The problem is when the fear goes unnoticed and unchecked. The brain can get a little ahead of itself and start finding reasons to feel anxiety about basically anything. And if you already tend to be critical of yourself, those thoughts can morph into the full-blown not-true belief that somehow everything you’ve worked for will be taken away when “they” realize you don’t deserve it.

The first step to conquering imposter syndrome is to become aware of when it rears its ugly head.

This sounds easy, but takes some dedication and practice. Like I mentioned above, imposter syndrome is sneaky. The thoughts sneak in line right in-between other perfectly rational thoughts, so you have to stay present and conscious of your thoughts in order to spot them and kick them out. A mindfulness and meditation practice will be your best weapon.

Additionally, keep researching this topic and learn all you can so that you’re thinking about imposter syndrome more. Have you ever noticed how you won’t notice any red cars around you as you drive unless you’re actively thinking about red cars (or whatever)? Basically, the more you think about imposter syndrome, the more likely you are to catch yourself in the middle of an I.S. thought. This list of books about imposter syndrome is a great resource to help you keep learning.

Once you’ve noticed your imposter syndrome thought, ask yourself these four questions:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know it’s true?
3. How do you feel when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

This technique is called The Work and was developed by Byron Katie. I first learned about it on Oprah’s SuperSoul Sunday podcast, and these questions have been a game changer for me. With this method, you realize that you’re negatively impacting your wellbeing by staying focused on thoughts that aren’t usually based in reality and keep you feeling shitty about yourself.

You don’t need that baggage in your life.

Final step: let those thoughts go.

We’re all on a path of learning self-love. How to be compassionate to ourselves, to celebrate ourselves, to believe we are worthy. Imposter syndrome is a belief that’s holding you back.

I know it’s easier to say to let those thoughts go than to actually do it. Especially if that fear voice is LOUD and insistent that it’s right (“no really, Amy, I’m a total fraud”). But are you really willing to live out the rest of your days in fear?

So let’s humor your imposter syndrome for a moment. Say you really are a total fraud (you probably know, if you’re being honest with yourself, if this is actually true or not)—would having these thoughts help you in any way?

Real-life Fraud Mastermind Frank Abagnale, Jr. (the movie Catch Me If You Can is about him) was a professional conman and imposter. He worked successfully in many different professions without any experience or training, including as a pilot and a sociology professor. When asked how he did the latter without knowing a thing about sociology (Abagnale was actually a high school dropout), he said all he had to do was read one chapter ahead of the class. I think this story is amazing because it shows what mindset can allow you to accomplish. A real-life imposter didn’t have imposter syndrome, and his (albeit superfluous) confidence enabled him to accomplish the seemingly impossible. I’m not condoning the guy’s crimes, but damn it is impressive how bold self-belief can get you far.

Imagine how you’ll be able to soar when you free yourself from the shackles of self-doubt and fear.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s time to part ways with your imposter syndrome and let yourself shine.

Trust yourself. Trust that you’re doing your best and you deserve success, you deserve abundance, and you deserve to FEEL and accept all of that with confidence.

Ain’t no imposters here: just you, kicking ass.

» Psst: I’m wearing these Carbon38 leggings in black, and I’m truly obsessed. You can get 15% OFF your order using my Ambassador code AMYBAA15. Happy shopping!

» Song Vibes «

Have you ever dealt with imposter syndrome? What helped you overcome it? Share with the class in the Comments below!

xo,

Amy

If you’re not taking a weekly Social Media Detox, I’m about to change your life.

If you follow me on Instagram, you know that every Sunday I take a Social Media Detox. That means NO social media for the whole day. And it’s the best thing ever.

I hold myself accountable and often post on Monday about how I did, like if I accidentally opened the app and how the detox felt. I truly love and look forward to my weekly social media breaks—I fell out of the practice recently and am feeling so much better now that I’m back on the wagon. I look forward to it all week!

I’m actually so passionate about this that I made a cute FREE download guide for you on How To Detox From Social Media — snag yours here!

Here’s the truth: social media’s not going anywhere. It might change from Instagram to TikTok to who knows what, but the internet has given us endless possibilities for new ways to connect and share our lives and creativity.

However, there’s a dark side to it, as well. This is why taking regular breaks from social networking is so important for our mental health! We have to learn how to use the apps in a way that’s supportive for our wellbeing.

Why do you need a Social Media Detox?

• The average person spends roughly 2 hours A DAY on social media (136 precious minutes, to be exact). That’s horrifying. That’s a lot of wasted time. Think about what you could accomplish with two extra hours in your day?! (Source: Statista)
• A number of studies have found associations between increased social media use and depression, anxiety, sleep problems, eating disorders, and suicide risk in youth. (Source: The Conversation—the National Centre of Excellence in Youth Mental Health, University of Melbourne)
• I mean, I think we can all personally vouch for the above symptoms. Prolonged use of social media can trigger negative thought patterns such as comparison, judgement, unworthiness, FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), etc.
• A recent study found that the average human attention span has fallen from 12 seconds in 2000 to 8 seconds today. In comparison, scientists believe that goldfish have an attention span of 9 seconds. Yes, you read that right: most humans now have a shorter attention span than a goldfish! Social media and its barrage of information doesn’t help. You need to unplug occasionally to give your brain the opportunity to slow down and focus.
• All that scrolling really challenges mindfulness. You’re not present in the current moment when you’re lost in the real-but-not-real world behind a screen. This disconnection can damage relationships and prevent you from being fully in your body and in your life.
• Social media is addicting. The reward centers of our brains light up when we get a Like or Comment, which is why it feels so good—you’re literally releasing dopamine, a reward-seeking chemical. That keeps you wanting more. It’s important to break that cycle so it doesn’t continue.

Now don’t get me wrong: social media isn’t all bad.

There are many studies that also prove the positive effects of social media in building connections and increasing happiness!

Here’s the key: like with any tool, it’s all about HOW you use it. I work in social media, which is why I know how important it is to take breaks for your mental health. We don’t want to ruin a good thing from overuse.

The goal of social media should be to inspire you, expand your consciousness, and connect you with old friends along with new friends from around the world. Ideally, it shouldn’t drain your energy—it should fill you up!

If I’ve convinced you to take a Time Out from social media, here’s what to do:

• Download the How To Detox From Social Media guide.
• Do what you can. If a whole day off sounds impossible, start with something more realistic. Maybe you take an hour detox. Maybe a half a day. But commit to it, once a week or once a month. It gets easier with consistency.
• Be nice to yourself. This might not be easy. You might feel uncomfortable, especially in moments where you’d typically fill the empty space with mindless scrolling: i.e., when you’re in line at the grocery store or waiting for your car to be washed. Try to embrace the moment and allow yourself to just BE. Notice the different sounds you hear in the present moment. Take slow, deep breaths.
• Give meditation a try. Use your break away from your screen to deeply connect with the world and people around you.
• Hold yourself accountable. Tell your friends and support system that you’re going to practice a regular detox and then hold yourself to it!
• Spend time with friends, in nature, or by yourself—whatever helps you fully recharge.

When you do return to using social media, it’s important to use it for good.

It’s all about your intention when using your favorite apps. Post content that offers the reader value. Aim to be as authentic on social media as possible. If following a specific account keeps setting you back into a negative space, Mute or Unfollow them! Make your social networks supportive environments for you to explore.

To ensure it doesn’t take over your life, limit your time on social media. Schedule out when you’ll be on it instead of checking it at every free opportunity.

Apple even offers its phone users help with its the Screen Time Setting. You can set a time limit for yourself to use an app by clicking on App Limits, Add Limit, then Social Networking. Set your time limit (an hour max a day seems reasonable) and your phone will display a notification when you’ve hit your time limit.

Here’s another idea: why not take the detox one step further and take a break from your cell phone altogether?

That’s right: phone off. Consider this the advanced level. If it gives you anxiety just thinking about doing it, you probably need to.

I admit I haven’t tried this yet! Baby steps, right? But I’m going to start putting my phone away on Sundays and leave it be. My friend Danijela and her husband do this every Friday so that they can commit to being present with each other during the day. I find that so inspiring!

» Song Vibes «

Do you take a regular break from social media? Share with me in the Comments below!

xo,

Amy

Divorce can be like experiencing a death.

It hurts long after people stop asking you about it. The loss of any relationship, or not, is a sort of death, so the grieving process can be similar. The five stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—the length of the stages varies for everyone. But recovering from a divorce takes time.

Of course, everyone has different experiences, and some people do get divorced with quick relief. I’m talking more about long-term, intimate relationships that are painful when they end. Ones you build your life around before they crumble around you.

A death was/is very much how divorce has all felt to me, even though I was the one who ended my marriage. It’s been exactly a year now that I left everything I knew behind and moved to San Diego to be on my own, and I wanted to write about this phase, the awkward, not-quite-healed phase of separation that doesn’t often get discussed so those of you going through it too know you aren’t alone.

The actual ending of the relationship is more interesting to talk about. It’s more dramatic, a better story than the one about you feeling like a ghost as you walk through the supermarket by yourself three months later trying to figure out what to cook for just you. The long path you have to walk to heal after a relationship ends is often ignored, but just as important.

Because the ending really is just the beginning.

You have to restart almost your entire life.

The challenge is to accept this. It’s a LOT of change, all at once, when a relationship ends, especially a marriage. Your entire life gets uprooted. At the very least divorce means at least one person’s finding a new home, not to mention restructuring your entire day, suddenly breaking all your habits and rituals.

My friends, that is a lot.

Can we just take a moment to acknowledge that you are SO FUCKING STRONG for going through this, if you have? You’re still here and breathing and reading these words even though you had your heart ripped out of your chest? I try to remind myself of this all the time. This is pain, and trauma, and we don’t quit.

We’re like a bee that somehow manages to escape death by pulling herself out of a pool of water with her tiny bee legs, who then stands shivering in the wind for an hour drying off her soaking, exhausted body, until, all at once, she spreads her wings and resumes her flight. We just have to wait for that moment, trusting that we will feel like a stronger, renewed version of ourselves in time, if we just keep going.

Self-love, forgiveness, and patience are critical to get through a divorce.

These are the ultimate power tools to heal from a long-term relationship and get through the pain like a champ. There is so much opportunity when a relationship ends to rediscover yourself and your strength.

Self-love.

I’ve dedicated this new time of being single to falling in love with myself, to pretend like I’m in a relationship with ME and just me alone, wanting or expecting nothing from anyone. That’s a place of true freedom.

It’s not an easy path. Most of us use relationships to hide from ourselves, to focus on someone else rather than our own problems or fears, sometimes for years at length. I know I did.  So I’m truly grateful for this time, and I’m having the best time rediscovering myself. Choose to use this time to grow for the better.

A key aspect to self-love is being kind to yourself.

Talk to yourself the way you would your child (or for me, my dogs, tbh).

Part of being kind to yourself is to know that it’s okay to not feel okay. You likely often won’t, especially at first.

You’ll have some days that are what I like to call “No” Days.

Those are days where you just can’t shake off the cloud, where you feel like shit no matter how hard you try to cheer yourself up. I used to beat myself up for not being able to put myself in a positive mindset. This is where self-help can become tricky territory; it should never be used to shame ourselves.

It’s OKAY. I’m giving you permission, right here. It’s okay to be in a terrible mood, it’s okay to sob into your pillow, it’s okay to take long bathroom breaks just to get away from the world for a minute. You just went through one of life’s big traumas.

Let the wave of grief flow in, and know that if you just hold on, it will go back away again.

What’s important is to not get completely pulled down by the negativity, because it can quickly form into emotional quicksand. Make sure to take action to love yourself by doing things you enjoy, surrounding yourself with friends/family who support you, and seek professional help if you need it.

Love yourself to fight for your own happiness through this time… and always.

Forgiveness.

I did so much in my marriage that I regret. In the end, especially, I said and did many things that wounded my husband. I curled into the hurting part of myself and hurt him in turn. Pain can do this to us—it hides us from our true selves, morphs us into our dark sides. In ending things I was ultimately setting us both free to finally be happier.

But we can’t become happy until we forgive ourselves.

We all make mistakes in our relationships. Their role in our lives is to serve as our mirror. In every one of our partners, we discover ourselves: our most beautiful and ugly sides. So the first step in finding self-forgiveness is to find gratitude for how your relationship helped you grow, through the good and the bad. All of it had a purpose, and all of it will elevate you to a better version of yourself if you learn from it and grow.

The easiest way to forgive yourself is to make the commitment to yourself to learn from the experience and not repeat your mistakes, and allow for time for that self-trust to rebuild. All you can ask of yourself is to move forward with the best intentions and most loving heart possible.

I firmly believe that at all times, we’re all just doing our best, even when our best isn’t… great.

Don’t continue to cause yourself pain for something in the past. Let it go.

Patience.

Everything gets better in time.

This is a cliché because IT’S TRUE. Like any grief, getting over a divorce primarily takes time. Time is your best friend here—every day is a little easier than the day before. You just have to stay holding on.

And one year later, you’ll find you’re doing okay.

Embrace the fresh start the divorce brings.

You have the power to control whether the end of your long-term relationship brings you power or ruins you. I highly encourage the former.

Go all Elle Woods on the world and let that self-love shine. I recommend following the Marie Kondo method (obsessed) of getting rid of anything that no longer brings you joy: that will be a lot of things. Material things like your wedding dress (obviously), but also other parts of your life, like your career, friendships, time commitments… This is a great time to do a self-evaluation and make sure you’re on the right track to attract in joy in all areas for yourself moving forward. Discover new hobbies, start a new career, cut your hair—whatever you want to do, do it.

Explore this time and think of it like dating yourself! Don’t let not having a partner hold you back: let it set you free. You don’t need anyone to feel whole. You’re complete on your own if you show yourself love.

Be proactive in protecting your emotional energies and your right to be happy. Take action to fight off the loneliness and give yourself permission to chase JOY again.

The past can trap you if you let it—so don’t.

Memories of your past relationship will be triggered by all sorts of things for a while: the smell of a candle, driving down a certain street, a song on the radio. This is just part of the healing process—the memories will come up, and we have to remind ourselves to stay in the present.

Now, there is some good in revisiting the past if there are lessons to be learned or specific ways you need to a heal (a therapist is ideal for this), but otherwise, dwelling on the past usually doesn’t do much more than cause us further pain.

I struggle with this one. My brain loves to live in the past if I let my thoughts wander without supervision.

Today I was taking a class at Elevate Training in San Diego, where I teach, and a girl’s phone lit up with a notification. Her background image was her wedding. And it put a lump in my throat. Little reminders constantly appear of the life I had before—but it doesn’t do any good to compare it to my life now, because I can’t go back.

We can’t control moments like that from happening, but where our mind goes next is important. We can either start thinking back to what happened, where it went wrong, how we could have acted differently… but nothing can change what is. Accepting that, and staying firmly rooted in NOW will help you avoid sinking into the pain of the past. You’ve already suffered enough. Memories will torture you if you let them, so Marie Kondo those thoughts, as well, and don’t invest your energy in them.

Mornings are the hardest.

My friend Samantha described it really well: she said that after her long-term relationship ended, every morning she’d wake up and feel sick when her memory caught up to her brain and she remembered that she was alone. That’s what happened to me, too. There’s this short period when you first wake up where you have to remember who you are, and the pain of your current reality catches up to you and goes straight to your gut.

For about the first sixth months following my separation, I threw up every morning. Usually as soon as I woke up. And I often teach in the mornings, so there were many times where I threw up right before having to walk out and teach a class.

Sleep can bring up a lot of memories, and it’s hard to adjust to sleeping alone. This is a time where we’re also finally able to stop and be alone with our thoughts, so the night can be just as challenging as the morning, emotionally. Plan for extra self-love surrounding sleep. Make your bedroom a sacred space that reflects back everything you love. Diffuse some lavender essential oil.  I’d even block off 10 hours of sleep time, if you can, to allow for those mornings where it takes a little longer to get up and get moving.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

A big challenge for me is that before, my husband was my full support system. He was the person I turned to whenever I was in pain. And in ending my marriage, I lost that. That sounds kind of bleak, and honestly it has been, at times, an incredibly dark year for me.

This is why building a support system for yourself is critical. I have relied a LOT on other people through my divorce in ways that made me so uncomfortable at first, because I hate asking for help. I lived with my dear friend Sam for a couple months while I got on my feet when I first moved back to San Diego. My friend Dani and her husband have helped me walk my dogs more times than I can count. An incredibly kind woman who randomly responded to my Facebook post about having no belongings donated an entire set of kitchenware to me. My mom helped me cover financial hits.

Being forced to ask for help made me open myself up to all that love. I was blocked off to it before, but you’ll find that if you ask for help, others are more than happy to be there. After all, it brings us joy to help someone in need, so it’s really a win-win. I now have a much bigger and stronger support system than I did before the separation, and I’m so grateful for that.

It’s easy to sink into loneliness, so find friends and stay active in your community.

If you need help, there are people who will be there for you. You may be on your own, but you are not alone.

I’m not completely healed from my relationship. It will be a while before I start dating. But I am firmly rooted in myself and my new life that I’ve built for myself. And I really am my happiest. Even on the days where I’m lonely, I know I’m on the right path because I’m honoring myself.

Divorce can be the best thing that will ever happen to you, if you let it.

» Song Vibes «

xo,

Amy